i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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