Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The Olympian is in my bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
