You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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