The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
