In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
