evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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