dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
