genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize