Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
