I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize