This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
