My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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