We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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