I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
