i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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