You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
