would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
