My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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