Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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