I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
