I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
