So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
