It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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