i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
