ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
