two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
