He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
