I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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