i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
