Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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