All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
