The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
