oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
