She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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