she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
