Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
