they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize