I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
