and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is the high leading the old right now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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