I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
