It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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