and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
