Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
