The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
