i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
