On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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