Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
