My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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