his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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