you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
