So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
