whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
