That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
