Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
