is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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