Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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