69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
