he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
