that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
