Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
