Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
