The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
