I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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