dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
