he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize