I wish I could teleport
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
