Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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