i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize