her vagine was all disorganized.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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