Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
