Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
