saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
